Jun著「英検1級合格マップ」アルクから出ました!
英検1級合格マップ

2016年08月11日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:The pros and cons of university entrance exams.

フルーツフルからの添削結果公開しちゃおうのコーナー。今日は山の日なので3つ連投します!の、3つ目。

最後は
The pros and cons of university entrance exams.
です。


添削結果
237345_entrance_exams.png

講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。

...あ、今回の3連投の中で一番このLvのつけ方が甘い先生が4て。相当ひどいかもしれない。。



先生からのメッセージ
I think that entrance examinations are necessary, as you said, to act as a filter. However I dislike them intensely and especially hate the pressure and stress that they give to young people.

Your writing today was good on the whole, but there were quite a lot of small grammatical errors, mostly article mistakes.

For example at (A) 'ability' is a countable noun, so it has to either use 'a' (or 'an'), or be in the plural form with an 's'.

Also, at (D), things normally provide inspiration 'for' other people, rather than 'of' them.

Please check out my other corrections and try to use them in future assignments.

Enjoy your holidays!


入試とか試験とか大好きな(センター試験もワクワク楽しかった)あたしとは話が(好みが)あわなさそうだ(笑


添削内容詳細+反省

 There are several pros and cons of university entrance exams. One of the good points is that students with a high level of intellectual ability can obtain a variety of opportunities after graduation. Universities, on the other hand, can measure the perseverance and endurance of students, which are imperative for people to achieve academic success. Entrance exams act like filters.
 Moreover, a good performer in the entrance exam becomes the inspiration of for other students and encourages them to take part in the competitive environment of these exams and thus brings about the enhancement of quality and excellence in education on the whole.
 In contrast, private cram schools have turned education into business where they prioritize their profits more than educational purposes. They tend to teach short-cuts instead of encouraging them to gain sufficient knowledge.
 Students are already fed up with the highly competitive world of education. This can result in a total loss or lack of interest in studies. Sometimes the fierce conditions related to entrance exams cause mental and physical problems among young people. Even worse is that there are students who end up taking their own lives or hurting themselves.


みごとに、冠詞ばかり。
日本語にいくら冠詞がないとはいえ
これはひどい。

今まで読んできた多少の文章とか聞いたパッセージとか
音読、シャドーイングしてきたものがあるんだだから
ちょこっとだけは冠詞の感覚 a sense of articles みたいなのが
あると思うし、間違えてはいけないところで間違えてるね。

a variety of とか。


はい!
以上、3連投おわりー。


ずっとSalah.さんと一緒にやってきた英検1級スピーチ作って暗唱から添削に提出してましたが、次からはIELTSのTask2とかTOEFLライティングとかを出しちゃおうかなって思ってます。



posted by Jun at 13:13| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:What role should school teachers play in Japan’s English education?

フルーツフルからの添削結果公開しちゃおうのコーナー。今日は山の日なので3つ連投します!の第2弾。

次のトピックは
What role should school teachers play in Japan’s English education?
です。
英検でも定番の教育系が続きます。


添削結果
237220_roles.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。


先生からのメッセージ
Thank you for this terrific essay about the quality of English education in Japan - this is very well argued and stated! Great!

First, you'll see at the beginning that we want to use "that" and not "which" - this is worth explaining at length:

Generally, ‘which’ is used for restrictive clauses (The cake, which I ate yesterday, was delicious), and ‘that’ is used for non-restrictive clauses (The cake that I ate yesterday was delicious). A non-restrictive clause is one you can remove from the whole sentence, leaving a perfectly sound sentence behind (The cake was delicious). It generally offers descriptive detail. One way to tell which one you should use is to note that you can remove the clause containing ‘which’ from a sentence and still leave a whole sentence behind. On the other hand, you can often remove ‘that’ when you use it, and the sentence will still work (The cake that I ate is delicious, can be turned into “The cake I ate is delicious").

Then, we say that things "already have" and not "have already", so this is the correct word order.

We need to say "how advantageous it would be for people ...", and using this conditional tense makes the sentence more clear and accurate.

Finally, you read "in an article that" and "The article says that" - these are how to write most clearly about the article you read.

I hope this helps you! Terrific❗❗❗


長々と説明する時に that のほうがいいの!?
(※この先、英文法Junより詳しいよ、って方だけ読んだ方がいいかもしれません←そんな人いっぱいいる。添削内容詳細+反省までスキップしてください。)


制限とか非制限とかはわかんないんだよねー、なんとなく形容詞のbe動詞のあとにくるやつで名詞の前にこないやつ、みたいな、それって、形容詞の非制限用法が関係してる話かなーって。
ここでは関係代名詞の話だったけど。
たぶん今は覚える気がさらさらなくてお節介な人は説明したがるんだろうけど、いつか自然になんとなくわかればいいかなって思ってはいる。。

けど、ここで先生の言ってることは理解した!

非制限要素を表すためのカンマ - English Writing Theaters

, whichだと、昨日食べたそのケーキがおいしかった(他にケーキはない)
, that だと、昨日食べたケーキがおいしかった。(他にもケーキはあるかもだけど食べたやつは美味しかった)

っていう?

。。。まぁ、この時点でもそれほどわかってないんだけど。。
ここで理解できても、たぶん、読解時でさえ違いを意識して読むことはできなし、ましてや (let alone) 書くときや話す時に使い分けられるとは到底思えないのだが。。

もうこれはネイティブになるしかない!!



。。。。


で、あたしの言う

roles that should be played だと、先生が果たすべき役割
roles which should be played だと、カンマ付きにするってこと?

制限用法と非制限用法によると、カンマがあってもなくても文法的には問題なさそうだけど、

カンマ付きで非制限用法にしたとしたら
(この制限と非制限の日本語が、この感覚と逆な気がするんだけど。。)

先生が果たすべき、(他にはない)役割

ってことになる、、、のかな。。

はぁ。。orz

って、かなり時間をかけて
わかったようなわかってないようなことを繰り返してここまできていて、いつかわかるかなーって。それでも数年前よりちょっとはこの制限とか非制限をぼんやりとわかった気がするんだけど、100%の理解のうち5%くらいはわかってきたかもしれない。

だから、今度から英文書くときは気をつけられるかもしれないな。



添削内容詳細+反省

 There are several roles which that should be played by school teachers in Japan's English education system, and the most important one is to enhance students' interest in foreign language languages, and foster the development of a positive attitude toward foreign people and cultures. In this sense, I believe teaching English at elementary school or earlier is imperative. This is because teenagers have already already have their own opinions and thoughts, and thus it is sometimes difficult for teachers to instill in them the benefits of acquiring English skills. On the contrary, younger children or toddlers are receptive to what adults say.
 Furthermore, teachers should teach how advantageous if it would be for people to get advanced English skills. The more interested students get, the more actively they will become willing to learn English. With the communication skills in English, people can broaden their cultural horizons and even become winners at work. For instance, they will enjoy TV shows, movies, books, games etc. In addition to such forms of entertainment, business people can obtain up-to-date information from various sources on the Internet, like scientific journals and international business articles.
 However, in order to teach English with confidence, teachers must enhance their English skills related to English more. I have read that in an article, that English materials used at schools in Japan are quite low quality, including grammatical errors. It says it wasn't grammar used very often in native English. The article says the grammar in these books is not grammar used very often in native English. Due to the unfortunate textbooks, even teachers do not feel comfortable with their English skills. The government can change this situation, such as the implementation of implementing training programs for Japanese English teachers and Assistant Language Teachers (ALTs) . ALTs are also said that they usually have no proper training. It is also said that ALTs usually don't have proper training.


instillは勇気を振り絞って💦使ってみたんだけど、
それ自体は変じゃなかったみたいだ。

instill in them the benefits of ----

っていう in + 人 が追加されてる。theも。


あ、そして、how advantageous のところ、なぞの ifが入ってたけど、そっか、ふつーにこれでいいのか。日本語から英語にする時に if が混りこんでしまったようだ。





fruitful.png


posted by Jun at 13:01| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Should more be done to improve Japanese students’ English proficiency?

フルーツフルからの添削結果公開しちゃおうのコーナー。今日は山の日なので3つ連投します!

まずは、
Should more be done to improve Japanese students’ English proficiency?
です。


添削結果
236121_english_skills.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。



先生からのメッセージ
This is a lovely 💕💕 and thoughtful essay about English education in Japan – thank you so much for writing it and for sharing it with us at FE! Now, let’s go over a few things as they have been revised above, though this is excellently written.

First, when we use "whether", we usually add "or not" to complete this sentence.

Then, when we make things better we "improve" them; and also note the addition of necessary commas between some of your clauses and phrases, as you can see above.

We aren't just free from English, but free from "needing" English in many workplaces; and "matches" is not a bad word choice, but "reflects" is even more ideal.

Finally, at the end, you mean both Fukushima "and" Kyushu, and after a comma we add "it's", to complete this sentence grammatically.

I hope this helps! Great work and efforts here, and as you continue, you will see more and more progress in your work!




添削内容詳細+反省

 Nowadays, there are a number of discussions on whether more should be done to enhance Japanese students' English skills or not. I believe English education in Japan is working well, but it seems that there is a little more room to better improve it. I will explain why I feel so this way.
 First of all, even though Japanese people know a lot of vocabulary and grammar rules with after more than 6 years of English education, most of them are not good speakers of the English language, nor excellent writers. This is partly because teachers at school only explain English knowledge and do not let students participate in discussions, or even talk to each other in English. In this way, young people grow without experience of thinking something or expressing their own thoughts in English.
 Moreover, it is true that there are a few jobs for which employees are completely free from needing English, but the number of businesses that require English communication is increasing, whether it is oral or written. This illustrates that English proficiency could be a powerful advantage in searching for a job or being promoted within a company. Any companies, if possible, want to establish an international workforce that better (matches) reflects the company's global presence. I feel that, however on the other hand, not only the companies but the government as well should take some measures to encourage workers to learn English, such as the implementation of English policy policies while at office.
 However, at the same time, it should be considered that the government has a number of serious issues to deal with, aside from English education. For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima, and Kyushu, it's important and they need money for it that they get the money they need. Therefore, it is essential to rethink fund distribution to save money funds distribution, to save money for improvement of English education for the improvement of our English education.


渾身の better が(笑!!!!
ふつーに improveになってる!!!

OALDによると、
- (often passive)better something to be better or do something better than somebody/something else
ex.) The work he produced early in his career has never really been bettered.
- better yourself to improve your social position through education, a better job, etc.
Thousands of Victorian workers joined educational associations in an attempt to better themselves.

Vocabulary.comによると、
to make better、get better
 [Synonyms] :ameliorate, amend, improve, meliorate

んーー、ダメなんかなぁ、ここであたしが使おうとしてる文脈では。。
passiveじゃないとか再帰代名詞じゃないってところかなぁ、変なのは。

でも、こうやって冒険して使ってみないとわかんないってことだもんね。
指摘されて初めて気づくし。

その上、まぁ、そりゃ improveをまだ1回も未使用なのにってところも
そうゆうネイティブ感覚なしに考えてもそれはあるかもしれないな。
たとえば、improveとかameliorateとか何回も使っちゃって、もうパラフレーズどーしよー!!!!的な時に、じゃ、better 使ってみよっか、となるならいいけどー的な!?


それと、最後らへんのところの excuseをしておくと
あたしは、
For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima, and Kyushu is important and they need money for it.
で、先生は
For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima(P) and Kyushu, it's important that they get the money they need.
なんだけど。

ちょっとなんで福島と九州の間にカンマを入れたのかは謎として(それがそうゆう解釈を引き起こしたのかもしれないけど)helping xxx is important and they need money for it っていうセンテンスのつもりだったんだよねー。itがrecoveryのつもり。または it = helping xxx

先生的には、helpingから九州までが分詞構文の it is important that SVのセンテンスになってる。



あ、そういえば、文字数で使用チケット(=添削料金)が変わっちゃうので、ちょっと節約で文字数がちょこっとだけオーバーの時は削ってます。なので、英検1級スピーチ作って暗唱のコーナーで作ったものより多少短くなってたりします。


では、次へいきましょう。





posted by Jun at 12:21| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2016年07月30日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Should the Japanese government do more to cement the relations between Japan and China?

英作文のフルーツフルイングリッシュから戻って来た添削結果を公開。

今日の添削結果4連投目。

お題は。
Should the Japanese government do more to cement the relations between Japan and China?


添削結果

china_234072.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。


先生からのメッセージ
Thank you for another brilliant essay, this time about Japan's relationship with China. It's very well argued, and in a few cases, I was offering you alternate ways of writing, because what you wrote was perfect, as in, writing "more than" or "over", and "more efforts" or "more of an effort."

In terms of your minor issues, we can say "some people" and "a lot of people", but generally, these words are better for uncountable nouns, where "several" and "many" are better for countable nouns.

We can best say that each country claimed the island "belong to their own territories", to refer to this possession; and it's a great and natural expression to refer to people or countries "forging relations".

Finally, we believe "that" certain things are true, like "that the Japanese government should try ..." - like this!

I hope this helps you! Great job!



添削結果内容詳細
 There might be some several people who assert that maintaining a good relationship with China is unnecessary for Japan, but I am for of the opinion that the Japanese government should make more efforts of an effort to build firm relations between Japan and China, for a couple of reasons.

 First of all, the two countries have a serious issue on regarding the disputed Senkaku Islands in the East China Sea. Both are claiming that the islands are belong to their own territories, (which have been raising tensions) and this has caused tension to escalate between them. Given the circumstances, it is absolutely better for them to develop a good relationship. If the two countries have forge closer ties, they will be less likely to go to war with each other.

 Second, despite (recent China's decline in its economic power,) China's recent decline economically, it is still one of the most powerful nations in the world. That means China could bring about (a lot of)many opportunities for Japan to benefit from. For instance, Japanese car (makers) manufacturers can export their products to China to expand their market, which will generate significant profits.

 Finally, North Korea's nuclear program has been a source of great concern for the international community for more than over 20 years, and China is North Korea's only major ally, which accounts for more than 70% of the country's total trade volume. Considering this fact, Japan should do more to cement the relations between Japan and China, in order to secure (protect peace of Asia and all over the world as well.) the protection of peace in Asia and all over the world, as well.
These are the reasons why I believe that the Japanese government should try to establish a close ties with China.



んー、やっぱりカンマをいろいろ追加されてます。
厳しい先生の1人です。

でもこうやって鍛えてもらわないと!


またひきつづき、がんばります!





posted by Jun at 20:22| Comment(4) | 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Do you think Japan has the right to claim the Northern Territories?

英作文のフルーツフルイングリッシュから戻って来た添削結果を公開。

今日はIELTS2個と
英検1級2個です。
その3連投目。

お題は。
Do you think Japan has the right to claim the Northern Territories?


添削結果
northern_territories_232967.png

講評
Lv5 PERFECT!✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

先生からのメッセージ
I am sure there will be a lot of debates revolving around this issue. You have written some very valid points.

You have written with immense confidence and the language used is perfect. The vocabulary used is refined and there are no errors.

(A) (B) (C) (D) (E) (F) (G) (H) (I) (J) (K) (L) (M) (N) (O) (P) (Q) …..ALTERNATE EXPRESSIONS

The sentences written by you are absolutely correct and need no change.
I have offered some alternate expressions for the same.


Well done


添削結果内容詳細
 There have been (a lot of discussions and debates about) numerous discussions and debates regarding the Northern Territories among Japanese people. (Although many are calling for) In spite of the fact that many support the right to keep the islands as Japan's property, personally I believe Japan does not have the right to do so for (several) a number of reasons.

 On August 15, 1945, (the Emperor of Japan announced his acceptance of) the Japanese Emperor accepted the Potsdam Declaration. It means Japan's unconditional surrender and sovereignty was limited only to Japan's four main islands and all other smaller islands which would be decided by Allies of World War II. (Then) As a result , Japan (lost) ended up losing the right to ask for the ownership of the Northern Territories.
 (In addition, insisting on Japanese) Furthermore, asserting on Japanese right to own the islands could (destroy the) adversely affect the current good relationship between Russia and Japan. The two nations (never signed a peace treaty after World War II because ) did not sign a peace treaty after World War II on account of this conflict. (However, the dispute has not completely prevented) Nevertheless, the dispute has not entirely stopped bilateral relations from developing. They formally agreed to end the state of war in 1956. Moreover, (there is a significant) both the nations are engaged in a considerable level of economic exchange, including large-scale Japanese investments in energy projects in the Russian islands. Russia, in turn, is offering Japan raw materials.

 Furthermore, Japanese people could cause damage to the ecosystem on the islands (because) considering that natural resources are part of the reason for the dispute. The islands are surrounded by rich fishing grounds and are (thought to have) believed to possess offshore reserves of oil and gas. (There are also several volcanoes and a variety of birdlife) Also quite a few volcanoes and a variety of birdlife exist on these islands. If Japan encroaches on the lands, (people could be harmful to the ecosystem.) the ecosystem could be harmed by the people.
 (These are the reasons why I believe)These are the reasons why I am of the opinion that Japan (does not have the) has no right to claim the Northern Territories.


perfectって単語がどれだけ好きか💕💕💕💓✨✨
しかも添削でいつも甘い感じで
べた褒めしてくれる先生とは違う人だしーー。


嬉しいな。


Neverthelessとかは使えるようになりたい。



posted by Jun at 19:53| Comment(0) | 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

IELTSライティング Task1 グラフ問題 2 -LIne Graphs-

IELTSのライティングTask1問題を解いて
フルーツフルイングリッシュの自由作文に出して戻って来た添削結果です。
(先生はIELTS対策としての添削はしてません)



No.8 のp.101です。


添削結果
p101_233006.png


講評
Lv5 PERFECT!


先生からのメッセージ
Everything about your writing was excellent, from word choice and expression, to structure and tone.

There were pretty much no mistakes for me to create, and almost nowhere that I could improve upon your language use.

The only two minor complaints I would have are at (A) and (G).

At (A), a colon really isn't necessary here, especially as it is followed by another comma. You don't need to use a comma or any other punctuation in this situation.

At (G), you missed out a preposition. Things are said to stay 'in' positions, so I added 'in', here.

All the other corrections were just alternative suggestions to give you some extra ideas. What you wrote originally was fine.

Good luck with the other tasks.


 
 添削結果内容詳細
The line graphs illustrate changes in four methods of transportation of merchandise over the roughly thirty-year period in the UK: from 1974 to 2002, UK from 1974 to 2002, measured in (four-yearly) four-year intervals. In general, (there was an increase in the amount of goods transported ) the amount of goods transported increased (during)over the three decades. The use of road, water and pipeline saw increases, while rail usage remained (almost the same) practically unchanged.

 Goods transportation by water and railways was approximately the same in 1974, at around 40 million tonnes, but in 1978 'water' saw a dramatic rise to reach about 60 million tonnes in 1984. By 2002, this went up to a high of (just double) roughly twice the railway transportation.

 In 1984, the pipeline usage was less than 10 million tonnes, staying in the lowest position of the four ways to transport goods. However, this steadily increased over the period, reaching to (just) slightly over 20 million tonnes in 2002. The amount of goods transported by road was the most popular throughout the decades. This experienced a steady increase from 1974 to 1994, and then skyrocketed, reaching to a high of just under 80 million tonnes in 2002.


最初は段落とかどうやるの!?
とか思ってましたが、
IELTSの日本語本を買って
あまり気にしなくていいんだなーって。


引き続き、IELTSがんばります!
ライティングだけじゃなくて
4 skills ぜんぶ初なので丁寧に
試験形式を身につけないと。


先生からのメッセージは
冒頭褒められすぎてて有頂天です。




posted by Jun at 19:33| Comment(0) | 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

IELTSライティング Task1 グラフ問題 1 -Pie Charts-

Salah.さんのブログで、
「IELTS Writing Task ➀ 表・グラフ対策に行った全て」
公開されました。
IELTS受験する方はぜひ!


あたしは
これまで6個のTask1問題を書いてみました。
そのうち初期の2つをフルーツフルイングリッシュ添削に出してみたので


今日はぜんぶで4つの添削結果を公開する気でいますが
そのうちIELTSで2つ投稿し、
その後、最近公開が滞ってた英検スピーチ作って暗唱コーナー
添削結果を2つアップします。

IELTSのはこの本からグラフ問題を2つです。
ページ数でいうと、p.53, p.101
Cambridge IELTS 8 Student's Book with Answers: Official Examination Papers from University of Cambridge ESOL Examinations (IELTS Practice Tests)



まずは、p.53のから。


添削結果
p53_233007.png


講評
Lv5 PERFECT!✨

先生からのメッセージ
Just as in your previous essay, your writing here was excellent, and just as in the previous one, there were two small mistakes...

At (G), we spend money 'on' things, not 'for them.

At (H) when using a 'from/to' structure, if there is more than one figure for either part, they should be connected by 'and' rather than separated by a comma.

Also, this time, your use of the colon was correct, as there wasn't any more information after it separated by a comma.

Great job!


いつも通り(英検もそうですが)
これは特定の試験用の添削じゃなくて
自由作文の一番reasonableなやつなので
先生はこれがIELTS用とかそうゆうのは気にしてません
(または意識しないテイで添削してます)

IELTS対策、英検1級エッセイ対策、TOEFL対策、みたいなのを選ぶと
高くなっちゃうからね。
そっちも時々はやりたいけど。

それより、コロンの使い方正しいってのが嬉しい💕✨⤴!


添削内容詳細
  The pie charts demonstrate the changes in proportion of yearly expenditures at a (certain) particular school in the UK, in different years: 1981, 1991 and 2001. Teachers' salaries remained almost (the same) unchanged throughout the period, while other figures experienced (fluctuations) changes.

 During the period, the (percentage of insurance) insurance percentage saw a dramatic increase, from 2% in 1981 up to a high of 8% in 2001. The proportion of expenditure for resources, on the other hand, (significantly went down) was reduced significantly from 15% in 1981 to 9% in 2001, even though (this once) at one time it grew to 20% in 1991.

 The amount of money spent for on furniture and equipment accounted for 15% in 1981, but in 1991 it plummeted to 5%, and then went up to a high of 23% in 2001. Other workers' salaries declined steadily from 28% in 1981, and 22% in 1991, to 15% in 2001. This proportion represented more than a half of teachers' salaries in 1981, but fell to (one third) a mere third of them in 2001.

The Blue words were provided by the teacher.



最近グラフはなかなか良い感じで書けるようになってきたので
地図とかダイアグラムの練習をしようと思います。





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posted by Jun at 19:17| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする