ビジネス英会話のビズメイツ!!

2016年08月11日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:What role should school teachers play in Japan’s English education?

フルーツフルからの添削結果公開しちゃおうのコーナー。今日は山の日なので3つ連投します!の第2弾。

次のトピックは
What role should school teachers play in Japan’s English education?
です。
英検でも定番の教育系が続きます。


添削結果
237220_roles.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。


先生からのメッセージ
Thank you for this terrific essay about the quality of English education in Japan - this is very well argued and stated! Great!

First, you'll see at the beginning that we want to use "that" and not "which" - this is worth explaining at length:

Generally, ‘which’ is used for restrictive clauses (The cake, which I ate yesterday, was delicious), and ‘that’ is used for non-restrictive clauses (The cake that I ate yesterday was delicious). A non-restrictive clause is one you can remove from the whole sentence, leaving a perfectly sound sentence behind (The cake was delicious). It generally offers descriptive detail. One way to tell which one you should use is to note that you can remove the clause containing ‘which’ from a sentence and still leave a whole sentence behind. On the other hand, you can often remove ‘that’ when you use it, and the sentence will still work (The cake that I ate is delicious, can be turned into “The cake I ate is delicious").

Then, we say that things "already have" and not "have already", so this is the correct word order.

We need to say "how advantageous it would be for people ...", and using this conditional tense makes the sentence more clear and accurate.

Finally, you read "in an article that" and "The article says that" - these are how to write most clearly about the article you read.

I hope this helps you! Terrific❗❗❗


長々と説明する時に that のほうがいいの!?
(※この先、英文法Junより詳しいよ、って方だけ読んだ方がいいかもしれません←そんな人いっぱいいる。添削内容詳細+反省までスキップしてください。)


制限とか非制限とかはわかんないんだよねー、なんとなく形容詞のbe動詞のあとにくるやつで名詞の前にこないやつ、みたいな、それって、形容詞の非制限用法が関係してる話かなーって。
ここでは関係代名詞の話だったけど。
たぶん今は覚える気がさらさらなくてお節介な人は説明したがるんだろうけど、いつか自然になんとなくわかればいいかなって思ってはいる。。

けど、ここで先生の言ってることは理解した!

非制限要素を表すためのカンマ - English Writing Theaters

, whichだと、昨日食べたそのケーキがおいしかった(他にケーキはない)
, that だと、昨日食べたケーキがおいしかった。(他にもケーキはあるかもだけど食べたやつは美味しかった)

っていう?

。。。まぁ、この時点でもそれほどわかってないんだけど。。
ここで理解できても、たぶん、読解時でさえ違いを意識して読むことはできなし、ましてや (let alone) 書くときや話す時に使い分けられるとは到底思えないのだが。。

もうこれはネイティブになるしかない!!



。。。。


で、あたしの言う

roles that should be played だと、先生が果たすべき役割
roles which should be played だと、カンマ付きにするってこと?

制限用法と非制限用法によると、カンマがあってもなくても文法的には問題なさそうだけど、

カンマ付きで非制限用法にしたとしたら
(この制限と非制限の日本語が、この感覚と逆な気がするんだけど。。)

先生が果たすべき、(他にはない)役割

ってことになる、、、のかな。。

はぁ。。orz

って、かなり時間をかけて
わかったようなわかってないようなことを繰り返してここまできていて、いつかわかるかなーって。それでも数年前よりちょっとはこの制限とか非制限をぼんやりとわかった気がするんだけど、100%の理解のうち5%くらいはわかってきたかもしれない。

だから、今度から英文書くときは気をつけられるかもしれないな。



添削内容詳細+反省

 There are several roles which that should be played by school teachers in Japan's English education system, and the most important one is to enhance students' interest in foreign language languages, and foster the development of a positive attitude toward foreign people and cultures. In this sense, I believe teaching English at elementary school or earlier is imperative. This is because teenagers have already already have their own opinions and thoughts, and thus it is sometimes difficult for teachers to instill in them the benefits of acquiring English skills. On the contrary, younger children or toddlers are receptive to what adults say.
 Furthermore, teachers should teach how advantageous if it would be for people to get advanced English skills. The more interested students get, the more actively they will become willing to learn English. With the communication skills in English, people can broaden their cultural horizons and even become winners at work. For instance, they will enjoy TV shows, movies, books, games etc. In addition to such forms of entertainment, business people can obtain up-to-date information from various sources on the Internet, like scientific journals and international business articles.
 However, in order to teach English with confidence, teachers must enhance their English skills related to English more. I have read that in an article, that English materials used at schools in Japan are quite low quality, including grammatical errors. It says it wasn't grammar used very often in native English. The article says the grammar in these books is not grammar used very often in native English. Due to the unfortunate textbooks, even teachers do not feel comfortable with their English skills. The government can change this situation, such as the implementation of implementing training programs for Japanese English teachers and Assistant Language Teachers (ALTs) . ALTs are also said that they usually have no proper training. It is also said that ALTs usually don't have proper training.


instillは勇気を振り絞って💦使ってみたんだけど、
それ自体は変じゃなかったみたいだ。

instill in them the benefits of ----

っていう in + 人 が追加されてる。theも。


あ、そして、how advantageous のところ、なぞの ifが入ってたけど、そっか、ふつーにこれでいいのか。日本語から英語にする時に if が混りこんでしまったようだ。





fruitful.png


posted by Jun at 13:01| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする