ビジネス英会話のビズメイツ!!

2016年08月11日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Should more be done to improve Japanese students’ English proficiency?

フルーツフルからの添削結果公開しちゃおうのコーナー。今日は山の日なので3つ連投します!

まずは、
Should more be done to improve Japanese students’ English proficiency?
です。


添削結果
236121_english_skills.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。



先生からのメッセージ
This is a lovely 💕💕 and thoughtful essay about English education in Japan – thank you so much for writing it and for sharing it with us at FE! Now, let’s go over a few things as they have been revised above, though this is excellently written.

First, when we use "whether", we usually add "or not" to complete this sentence.

Then, when we make things better we "improve" them; and also note the addition of necessary commas between some of your clauses and phrases, as you can see above.

We aren't just free from English, but free from "needing" English in many workplaces; and "matches" is not a bad word choice, but "reflects" is even more ideal.

Finally, at the end, you mean both Fukushima "and" Kyushu, and after a comma we add "it's", to complete this sentence grammatically.

I hope this helps! Great work and efforts here, and as you continue, you will see more and more progress in your work!




添削内容詳細+反省

 Nowadays, there are a number of discussions on whether more should be done to enhance Japanese students' English skills or not. I believe English education in Japan is working well, but it seems that there is a little more room to better improve it. I will explain why I feel so this way.
 First of all, even though Japanese people know a lot of vocabulary and grammar rules with after more than 6 years of English education, most of them are not good speakers of the English language, nor excellent writers. This is partly because teachers at school only explain English knowledge and do not let students participate in discussions, or even talk to each other in English. In this way, young people grow without experience of thinking something or expressing their own thoughts in English.
 Moreover, it is true that there are a few jobs for which employees are completely free from needing English, but the number of businesses that require English communication is increasing, whether it is oral or written. This illustrates that English proficiency could be a powerful advantage in searching for a job or being promoted within a company. Any companies, if possible, want to establish an international workforce that better (matches) reflects the company's global presence. I feel that, however on the other hand, not only the companies but the government as well should take some measures to encourage workers to learn English, such as the implementation of English policy policies while at office.
 However, at the same time, it should be considered that the government has a number of serious issues to deal with, aside from English education. For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima, and Kyushu, it's important and they need money for it that they get the money they need. Therefore, it is essential to rethink fund distribution to save money funds distribution, to save money for improvement of English education for the improvement of our English education.


渾身の better が(笑!!!!
ふつーに improveになってる!!!

OALDによると、
- (often passive)better something to be better or do something better than somebody/something else
ex.) The work he produced early in his career has never really been bettered.
- better yourself to improve your social position through education, a better job, etc.
Thousands of Victorian workers joined educational associations in an attempt to better themselves.

Vocabulary.comによると、
to make better、get better
 [Synonyms] :ameliorate, amend, improve, meliorate

んーー、ダメなんかなぁ、ここであたしが使おうとしてる文脈では。。
passiveじゃないとか再帰代名詞じゃないってところかなぁ、変なのは。

でも、こうやって冒険して使ってみないとわかんないってことだもんね。
指摘されて初めて気づくし。

その上、まぁ、そりゃ improveをまだ1回も未使用なのにってところも
そうゆうネイティブ感覚なしに考えてもそれはあるかもしれないな。
たとえば、improveとかameliorateとか何回も使っちゃって、もうパラフレーズどーしよー!!!!的な時に、じゃ、better 使ってみよっか、となるならいいけどー的な!?


それと、最後らへんのところの excuseをしておくと
あたしは、
For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima, and Kyushu is important and they need money for it.
で、先生は
For example, helping recover from natural disasters in Fukushima(P) and Kyushu, it's important that they get the money they need.
なんだけど。

ちょっとなんで福島と九州の間にカンマを入れたのかは謎として(それがそうゆう解釈を引き起こしたのかもしれないけど)helping xxx is important and they need money for it っていうセンテンスのつもりだったんだよねー。itがrecoveryのつもり。または it = helping xxx

先生的には、helpingから九州までが分詞構文の it is important that SVのセンテンスになってる。



あ、そういえば、文字数で使用チケット(=添削料金)が変わっちゃうので、ちょっと節約で文字数がちょこっとだけオーバーの時は削ってます。なので、英検1級スピーチ作って暗唱のコーナーで作ったものより多少短くなってたりします。


では、次へいきましょう。





posted by Jun at 12:21| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする