ビジネス英会話のビズメイツ!!

2016年07月30日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Should the Japanese government do more to cement the relations between Japan and China?

英作文のフルーツフルイングリッシュから戻って来た添削結果を公開。

今日の添削結果4連投目。

お題は。
Should the Japanese government do more to cement the relations between Japan and China?


添削結果

china_234072.png


講評
Lv4 ほとんどネイティブの書いた英文と同じレベルに達しています。


先生からのメッセージ
Thank you for another brilliant essay, this time about Japan's relationship with China. It's very well argued, and in a few cases, I was offering you alternate ways of writing, because what you wrote was perfect, as in, writing "more than" or "over", and "more efforts" or "more of an effort."

In terms of your minor issues, we can say "some people" and "a lot of people", but generally, these words are better for uncountable nouns, where "several" and "many" are better for countable nouns.

We can best say that each country claimed the island "belong to their own territories", to refer to this possession; and it's a great and natural expression to refer to people or countries "forging relations".

Finally, we believe "that" certain things are true, like "that the Japanese government should try ..." - like this!

I hope this helps you! Great job!



添削結果内容詳細
 There might be some several people who assert that maintaining a good relationship with China is unnecessary for Japan, but I am for of the opinion that the Japanese government should make more efforts of an effort to build firm relations between Japan and China, for a couple of reasons.

 First of all, the two countries have a serious issue on regarding the disputed Senkaku Islands in the East China Sea. Both are claiming that the islands are belong to their own territories, (which have been raising tensions) and this has caused tension to escalate between them. Given the circumstances, it is absolutely better for them to develop a good relationship. If the two countries have forge closer ties, they will be less likely to go to war with each other.

 Second, despite (recent China's decline in its economic power,) China's recent decline economically, it is still one of the most powerful nations in the world. That means China could bring about (a lot of)many opportunities for Japan to benefit from. For instance, Japanese car (makers) manufacturers can export their products to China to expand their market, which will generate significant profits.

 Finally, North Korea's nuclear program has been a source of great concern for the international community for more than over 20 years, and China is North Korea's only major ally, which accounts for more than 70% of the country's total trade volume. Considering this fact, Japan should do more to cement the relations between Japan and China, in order to secure (protect peace of Asia and all over the world as well.) the protection of peace in Asia and all over the world, as well.
These are the reasons why I believe that the Japanese government should try to establish a close ties with China.



んー、やっぱりカンマをいろいろ追加されてます。
厳しい先生の1人です。

でもこうやって鍛えてもらわないと!


またひきつづき、がんばります!





posted by Jun at 20:22| Comment(4) | 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
この記事へのコメント
Junさんこんばんは。アイエルツ始めたんですね!Junさんなら凄いいいスコアが出るんだろうなぁ。頑張ってください!アイエルツ、私もやろうかな、と思ったんですけど、グラフの内容が面白いと思えなかったので、やめちゃいました。

私は代わりにブログを始めました。今は、Hiroshiさんの英語塾を紹介させていただいています。Junさんのブログをリンク集欄にリンクしてもよいですか?
Posted by Lydia at 2016年07月31日 20:24
>Lydia様

グラフおもしろくない(爆笑!!
その理由がおもしろいw

ブログ始めたのねー、おめでとう(?)
うん、リンク貼ってぜんぜんいいよー、ってか嬉しい。ありがとう!

Posted by Jun at 2016年08月01日 07:04
ブログアドレスお送りするの忘れました。失礼しました。eikengrade1.jugem.jp

そうなんです、興味ある内容のグラフとかならやりたいんですけど・・・。

IELTSの指導してる知人がグラフの書き出し、何かをだいたい比べてるからcompareが使い勝手いい、とか言ってました。The chart comparesとか。ご存知かと思いますが^^
Posted by Lydia at 2016年08月01日 21:04
>Lydia様

アドレスとかありがと!
Posted by Jun at 2016年08月01日 23:11