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2016年07月30日

英検1級二次スピーチ添削結果:Do you think Japan has the right to claim the Northern Territories?

英作文のフルーツフルイングリッシュから戻って来た添削結果を公開。

今日はIELTS2個と
英検1級2個です。
その3連投目。

お題は。
Do you think Japan has the right to claim the Northern Territories?


添削結果
northern_territories_232967.png

講評
Lv5 PERFECT!✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

先生からのメッセージ
I am sure there will be a lot of debates revolving around this issue. You have written some very valid points.

You have written with immense confidence and the language used is perfect. The vocabulary used is refined and there are no errors.

(A) (B) (C) (D) (E) (F) (G) (H) (I) (J) (K) (L) (M) (N) (O) (P) (Q) …..ALTERNATE EXPRESSIONS

The sentences written by you are absolutely correct and need no change.
I have offered some alternate expressions for the same.


Well done


添削結果内容詳細
 There have been (a lot of discussions and debates about) numerous discussions and debates regarding the Northern Territories among Japanese people. (Although many are calling for) In spite of the fact that many support the right to keep the islands as Japan's property, personally I believe Japan does not have the right to do so for (several) a number of reasons.

 On August 15, 1945, (the Emperor of Japan announced his acceptance of) the Japanese Emperor accepted the Potsdam Declaration. It means Japan's unconditional surrender and sovereignty was limited only to Japan's four main islands and all other smaller islands which would be decided by Allies of World War II. (Then) As a result , Japan (lost) ended up losing the right to ask for the ownership of the Northern Territories.
 (In addition, insisting on Japanese) Furthermore, asserting on Japanese right to own the islands could (destroy the) adversely affect the current good relationship between Russia and Japan. The two nations (never signed a peace treaty after World War II because ) did not sign a peace treaty after World War II on account of this conflict. (However, the dispute has not completely prevented) Nevertheless, the dispute has not entirely stopped bilateral relations from developing. They formally agreed to end the state of war in 1956. Moreover, (there is a significant) both the nations are engaged in a considerable level of economic exchange, including large-scale Japanese investments in energy projects in the Russian islands. Russia, in turn, is offering Japan raw materials.

 Furthermore, Japanese people could cause damage to the ecosystem on the islands (because) considering that natural resources are part of the reason for the dispute. The islands are surrounded by rich fishing grounds and are (thought to have) believed to possess offshore reserves of oil and gas. (There are also several volcanoes and a variety of birdlife) Also quite a few volcanoes and a variety of birdlife exist on these islands. If Japan encroaches on the lands, (people could be harmful to the ecosystem.) the ecosystem could be harmed by the people.
 (These are the reasons why I believe)These are the reasons why I am of the opinion that Japan (does not have the) has no right to claim the Northern Territories.


perfectって単語がどれだけ好きか💕💕💕💓✨✨
しかも添削でいつも甘い感じで
べた褒めしてくれる先生とは違う人だしーー。


嬉しいな。


Neverthelessとかは使えるようになりたい。



posted by Jun at 19:53| Comment(0) | 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
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