ビジネス英会話のビズメイツ!!

2016年07月30日

IELTSライティング Task1 グラフ問題 1 -Pie Charts-

Salah.さんのブログで、
「IELTS Writing Task ➀ 表・グラフ対策に行った全て」
公開されました。
IELTS受験する方はぜひ!


あたしは
これまで6個のTask1問題を書いてみました。
そのうち初期の2つをフルーツフルイングリッシュ添削に出してみたので


今日はぜんぶで4つの添削結果を公開する気でいますが
そのうちIELTSで2つ投稿し、
その後、最近公開が滞ってた英検スピーチ作って暗唱コーナー
添削結果を2つアップします。

IELTSのはこの本からグラフ問題を2つです。
ページ数でいうと、p.53, p.101
Cambridge IELTS 8 Student's Book with Answers: Official Examination Papers from University of Cambridge ESOL Examinations (IELTS Practice Tests)



まずは、p.53のから。


添削結果
p53_233007.png


講評
Lv5 PERFECT!✨

先生からのメッセージ
Just as in your previous essay, your writing here was excellent, and just as in the previous one, there were two small mistakes...

At (G), we spend money 'on' things, not 'for them.

At (H) when using a 'from/to' structure, if there is more than one figure for either part, they should be connected by 'and' rather than separated by a comma.

Also, this time, your use of the colon was correct, as there wasn't any more information after it separated by a comma.

Great job!


いつも通り(英検もそうですが)
これは特定の試験用の添削じゃなくて
自由作文の一番reasonableなやつなので
先生はこれがIELTS用とかそうゆうのは気にしてません
(または意識しないテイで添削してます)

IELTS対策、英検1級エッセイ対策、TOEFL対策、みたいなのを選ぶと
高くなっちゃうからね。
そっちも時々はやりたいけど。

それより、コロンの使い方正しいってのが嬉しい💕✨⤴!


添削内容詳細
  The pie charts demonstrate the changes in proportion of yearly expenditures at a (certain) particular school in the UK, in different years: 1981, 1991 and 2001. Teachers' salaries remained almost (the same) unchanged throughout the period, while other figures experienced (fluctuations) changes.

 During the period, the (percentage of insurance) insurance percentage saw a dramatic increase, from 2% in 1981 up to a high of 8% in 2001. The proportion of expenditure for resources, on the other hand, (significantly went down) was reduced significantly from 15% in 1981 to 9% in 2001, even though (this once) at one time it grew to 20% in 1991.

 The amount of money spent for on furniture and equipment accounted for 15% in 1981, but in 1991 it plummeted to 5%, and then went up to a high of 23% in 2001. Other workers' salaries declined steadily from 28% in 1981, and 22% in 1991, to 15% in 2001. This proportion represented more than a half of teachers' salaries in 1981, but fell to (one third) a mere third of them in 2001.

The Blue words were provided by the teacher.



最近グラフはなかなか良い感じで書けるようになってきたので
地図とかダイアグラムの練習をしようと思います。





fruitful.png

posted by Jun at 19:17| 英作文 | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする